life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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