Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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