The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
