hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
