So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
