I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
