this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
