you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
