I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
