So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
