Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
