you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
