yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
