I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
