her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
