wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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