so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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