ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
