So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
