my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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