yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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