Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is wine microwaveable?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
