I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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