Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
