Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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