i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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