You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
