I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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