I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
