i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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