I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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