The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
