The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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