she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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