We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
