I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
