dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
