apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
