Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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