Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
