your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
