we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
