Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
