Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
