some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
