that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
