I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
