i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
