in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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