so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
