you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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