I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
