What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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