Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
