You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
