Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
